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oOo, California in the summer.. [entries|friends|calendar]

write a short biography about yourself. maybe talk about who you are, your family, your hobbies, your favorite music...

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(don't want to leave)

January 5th, 2006 at 1:56am]
This lj is DEAD


Thats right:


i'm more active with it already.


(don't want to leave)

January 1st, 2006 at 3:27pm]
Dear Lj, It's not you- it's ME

but i think it's time for a change..



Coming attraction: Song of the day, every day like i used to.. more entrys.. and more comments on everyone elses.


(4 have seen every star they care to see but | don't want to leave)

Oh baby, it's cold outside! (and inside currently.. brrr) [Wednesday
November 30th, 2005 at 2:21pm]
yr a photograph: ugh.. my mom is abandoning me over christmas
NinaNer: whaattt
NinaNer: why
yr a photograph: she's going back to neworleans with some group thats going down there for the holidays
NinaNer: noooo
NinaNer: poor angie
NinaNer: :[
NinaNer: i have an idea
yr a photograph: oo- but get this- when i said that i though it was unfair of her to expect me to stay home alone over the holidays to take care of her dogs- she called me selfish
NinaNer: we'll buy our own little christmas tree
NinaNer: like a tiny one
NinaNer: and buy each other little like stocking presents
NinaNer: cept we'll wrap them
yr a photograph: :-)
NinaNer: and put them under the tree
NinaNer: like mini presents for a mini tree
yr a photograph: :-D
yr a photograph: your the best.
yr a photograph: incase you didnt know
NinaNer: haha i can't wiat
yr a photograph: ooo.. and we have these little tiny christmas ornemants at work.. i shall buy some to decorate the tiny tree.
yr a photograph: and we can eat pickles.
NinaNer: and satc and oc! lol
yr a photograph: :-)
yr a photograph: *sigh*. i dont deserve you.
NinaNer: pshh
NinaNer: whatever
NinaNer: ohh and hot chocoate
NinaNer: with marshmellows
yr a photograph: :-) tehehehe

Nina is better then chocolate.
And that really says something.

(8 have seen every star they care to see but | don't want to leave)

November 12th, 2005 at 10:59am]
I just went through pictures from frosh year..

And after some digging i found the one in wanted in the bottom of the pile. Its from Halloween, i'm smiling- and there's a beautiful girl dressed up as an Angel kissing my cheek..

The girls name was Jayme, and she died in a head on collison last night.

Jamye was sweet, and kind and everything that it's important for a good person to be..

But more then that, she was thoughtfull.. and non judgmental.. I could tell her things without ever worrying about her thinking less of me.

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

She was so beautiful.

(5 have seen every star they care to see but | don't want to leave)

November 12th, 2005 at 12:19am]
My first kiss was the summer after 6th grade.

At least, thats what i'm counting as my first.. which sometimes makes me wonder, do two people somewhere out there, count their first kiss with me, as being the first kiss they had, when i concider them non valid?

Maybe, someday i'll see them to ask.

Since then i've had a lot of kisses. Some of them good.. some of them.. Not so good.

I've had boys aged ranged 16-25 lip lock me in the hopes of conveying.. Love and lies. Some of them trying to get somewhere..some of them just reaching for physical affection.

I've had the emotion i felt during them, be thrown back in my face later with the knowledge that they were meaningless, and stolen from me with a false promise of emotion that never followed..

I've given them, in the hopes that my emotions would follow in my lips footsteps and form a connection with the person on the other end. At one point this actually worked to well, and i lost my heart in a kiss to someone who didnt deserve either... In a car, in a different city by the ocean.. with the fog everywhere at 2:30am. At the time, it seemed ideal. Looking back- it was freezing, and i hadn't slept in two and 1/2 days.

What have i learned from all of these encounters of the chapsticked kind?
That you can't tell anything from someones kiss.. they can lie to you just the same whether or not their speaking.. And that they're better when your eyes are closed.


(3 have seen every star they care to see but | don't want to leave)

November 8th, 2005 at 10:10pm]
I've been talking to Daniel like all night..
i miss that kid


This is the text he just sent me:
It's hard- we used to talk/hang outlike every day. Now, well never. So u should come sunday. We'll make out or better. Like old times.

he wants to hang out on sunday and go mini golfing or something like that.. the thing is i havet his stupid church reunion for the church my grandpa started

Reasons why i don't want to go:

1. These people ADORED my grandpa, and when he got cancer and my mom and i moved him down here so we could take care of him- they decided that we "Stole him"away. wtf- he was MY grandpa, my stability.. The person who meant the most in my life.. the reason i am who i am today.. what makes them think they had ANY claim on him- they stole his time, and all his energy Even when he was in bed in the hospital they still showed up wanting him to solve their problems. Without their baggering maybe he'd have been able to get enough rest.. The thing is, i know it's wrong to feel this way.. He was their stability also, they depended on him.. and they had no where else to turn.

2. They're convinced i'm going to hell because i'm no longer religious.. and they don't make a secret out of their thoughts either... and i'm so sick of hearing it.. They looks they give me while asking me what i'm doing with my life.. the fact that when i explain my college/gradschool plans it all means nothing because i'm not getting married and having children and being a good homemaker- i'm worthless to them.

3. They think i'm a slut. no joke. I may mess around, but in reality.. i dont dress like a slut, and i don't act like one.. and honestly i find it offensive that just becuase i dated in highschool they lable me like that.

I don't want to go. I want to hang out with Daniel... Someone who accepts me for the imperfect person i am.

(4 have seen every star they care to see but | don't want to leave)

Why not.. [Monday
November 7th, 2005 at 7:04pm]
Use a quote to describe how you feel about:

Yourself: I'm tired. Cynical and broken, but wiser. Heavy with a sense of resentment, but i used to be so much different, I used to have so much faith..

Yourself 1 year from now:
For what it's worth, it was worth all the while: it's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right: I hope you have the time of your life..

Your mom:
"If you believe it's in my soul, i'd say all the words i know- just to see, if it would show- that i'm trying to let you know, that i'm better off on my own"

Your dad:
"I could be mean. i could be angry. You know you i could be JUST LIKE YOU. I could fake. I could be stupid. You know i could be JUST LIKE YOU. You thought you were sitting beside me, you were only in my way your WRONG if you think that i'll be just like you.

A sibling (if you don't have any, a cousin):
"When all you've gotta keep is strong: Move along move along, like i know you do. And even when your hope is gone: move along move along- just to make it through..When everything is wrong: we move along."

Your best female friend
"Thats how i learned the lesson, that everyone is alone, and your eyes must to some raining if your ever going to grow, But if crying don't help, you can't compose yourself- it's best to compose a poem, an honest verse of longing or a simple song of hope- thats why i'm singing baby don't worry, cause now i've got your back.."

Your best Male friend:
"Not everything is gonna be the way you think it outta be, seems like everytime I try to make it right it all comes down on me- please say honestly, you won't give up on me. And i shall believe."

A former friend:
"There were some times i thought you were a friend to me, it hink those times i was probably just drunk..I hope this is goodbye."

Your boyfriend/girlfriend/crush: It was this time last year: Your so much different now- you watch the traffic clear. You hear the cars spin out. I never thought you'd last- i never dreamed you would...

An Ex boyfiend/girlfriend/crush: "Being 1/2 dead wasnt what i planned to be, and now i'm ready to be free, So here i am, it's in my hands!-and i'll savor every moment of this! So here i am, alive at last, and i'll savor every moment of this-Won't you think i'm pretty, when i'm standing top the bright lit city?....So long as your alive and care, i promise i will take you there, we'll drink and dance the night away..

(7 have seen every star they care to see but | don't want to leave)

September 21st, 2005 at 10:53pm]

The storm is bad tonight,
so how could I awake without you here?
Your picture's on the wall.
You haven't called.
But I'll wait for you.

To her own reflection,
she says, "I will hold on"
To her own reflection,
she says, "I will be strong"

The storm is letting up,
but it won't die.
If you weren't wrong, was I?
Your picture still remains,
but I wonder are you still the same?

To her own reflection,
she says, "I will hold on"
To her own reflection,
she says, "I will be strong"

Am I losing you?
AM I LOSING YOU?!??????!???????!!?????
I've waited, I've waited til it's over
It's over now...

To her own reflection,
she says, "I will hold on"
To her own reflection,
she says, "I will be strong"...

(5 have seen every star they care to see but | don't want to leave)

July 29th, 2005 at 11:53am]

Name 10 People you know not including you

1. Ty
2. Robyn
3. Holly
4. Caitlin
5. Cali
6. Sterling
7. Kristi
8. Tay
9. Clare
10. Dev

Is .. 5 your best friend? yes

What is ..10's favorite band: Uhhh collective soul? I dont know.

What kind of music does ..1 listen to? A mixture of alternative stuff

What school does ..3 go to? folsom lake college

Does number 4 have an allergy to peanut butter? no, i don't think so..

Is ..2 older than you? no

Can ..9 drive? yup, and may i say she's quite good at it!

Does ..6 have a boyfriend/girlfriend? yes, Nicole

What would you do if ..7 was the father of your child? Uh... since neither of us want children and we're both girls.. Sell it?

If ..8 said they loved you, what would you say? i love you too

Give a random fact about ..4. She loves italian sodas

Does ..9 looooooove shiny things? She does like jewlery

Has ..10 ever been out of the country? Maybe?

Is ..1 obsessed with New York? No

Does ..2 have digital cable? uhh. dont know

Is ..8 on the track team? Notta

Does ..3 perfer adidas or rebok? i belive she is into puma and converse

Is ..5 on the basketball team at his/her school? no

Does ..6 know ..7? yup.

(1 have seen every star they care to see but | don't want to leave)

June 16th, 2005 at 2:34pm]
Read more...Collapse )

i don't feel like going into rich text, and i've already done one lj cut- so just deal:
New work, is it bad? YES, but i don't care.

Words stuck in my throat
my lips are open
nothings coming out
i can't fathom the words
you need me to say
can't voice the things
you need to hear
I don't even know
if you want me to stay

So i sit awhile
asphyxiating in your silence
i'm giving in without a fight
your lost
and there aren't any stars out tonight
to guide you home
all alone, there's no light

You shoot me down
Kill my words with your eyes
I'm telling you the truth
finally i can't make a sound
your so unused to it
that you assume my words are lies
It's okay, i'll be here if you come around..

So i sit awhile
asphyxiating in your silence
i'm giving in without a fight
your lost
it's such a dark night
I'm holding on to you
while you push me away
and my soul turns black and blue..

(4 have seen every star they care to see but | don't want to leave)

all i can say... [Thursday
June 16th, 2005 at 2:47am]
Have you ever had someone with you, and they needed you so badly to say the right thing.. and you just coulnd't find the right words?
Like, you couldnt figure out what to say to make them feel better...
So you just didn't say anything..
you just sat there while they poured their hearts out, told you everything that they'd ever kept from everyone..
and you just sat there stunned, unable to leave- but unable to figure out how to keep them there....
Aware that you could be anyone, they just needed to get everything out, but also that if you were anyone else they wouldnt be saying it..
Like.. i tried soooo hard to find the right thing to say, and just nothing worked- he flung it all back at me, completly shot me down.. but begging me not to leave him.. holding me soo tightly that it felt like my ribs were going to shatter.. and just breaking down..
It scared me.. i've never seen anyone like that before..
and it kills me that i couldnt help :-(

i dont know how to say anythingCollapse )

(8 have seen every star they care to see but | don't want to leave)

and all you dream, falls on me- and your beautiful sky, the light you bring.. falls on me.. [Sunday
June 12th, 2005 at 1:23pm]
RandomlyPrsn05: i have no
RandomlyPrsn05: car ,phone, gas card , or liecence


I am a liferuiner....
and yet he still doesn't hate me

myspace comment from this morning:
Hey im grounded and i dont care...........ill c u when i can get my car back maybe we can go c batman ........ if i get my car back ...........this isnt a lie honeybunny

Only good side to this is.. That i'll be spending more time with my other friends...

this made me smile:

Morgan- i love you more then life also.
muahahah i cut it with picture it publish it.. Collapse )
RandomlyPrsn05: its ok
RandomlyPrsn05: calm down honey
xNaive0rleansx: i'm calm lol.. just.. i feel bad. A. me being your girlfriend is like ruining your life. B. we didn't even plan this whole dating thing C. your summer is like ruined.
RandomlyPrsn05: its cool
RandomlyPrsn05: a
RandomlyPrsn05: im happy now that i have u as a gf
RandomlyPrsn05: b
RandomlyPrsn05: i enjoy being around u and dating u
RandomlyPrsn05: c
RandomlyPrsn05: ive gotten in bigger trouble my mom needs a few days
xNaive0rleansx: if you say so
RandomlyPrsn05: i do say so trust me like how i trust u honneybunny
xNaive0rleansx: okay

(11 have seen every star they care to see but | don't want to leave)

June 8th, 2005 at 5:01pm]

(1 have seen every star they care to see but | don't want to leave)

It seems to me that maybe, pretty much always means no.. [Thursday
June 2nd, 2005 at 3:23pm]
All your insides fall to pieces, you just sit there wishing you could still make love..

Update of what i've been up to/ the next weeks schedual.Collapse )

(51 have seen every star they care to see but | don't want to leave)

April 21st, 2005 at 12:12pm]
[ mood | jubilant ]

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

Hey kids. this lj is friends only ( as you can see) want to be added? Comment with your favorite song lyric.


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